It’s okay if it’s hard to find the words

It’s not often that I am at a loss for words. But, here we are … early on a Tuesday morning, decidedly past my deadline, and I’m at a loss.

Saturday morning, I was all set. I knew that I wanted to write this week’s column around the manned launch from Florida. I’d seen video of the inside of the Dragon capsule, how the controls looked like a real-life version of something out of a Star Trek movie (the J.J. Abrams re-boot).

It would be so completely different from the distressing coronavirus stuff I’ve been writing. Aspirational. Perhaps even inspirational.

Then I checked the news.

I see now that was a mistake.

Instead of a giddy mob of NASA comms people chattering excitedly about this or that aspect of the launch, my news feed was filled with images of burning American cities. Of police firing “non-lethal” weapons at protestors and at reporters. Of white anarchists (from the left or the right) trashing businesses and inciting violence in what could only be an effort to smear the peaceful protestors.

The images that flash through my mind as I contemplate the weekend and early this week are horrible. And poor optics for a democratic republic. Those images are, in my mind, overlaid with a sound track made up exclusively with George Floyd’s death rattle of “I can’t breathe.”

Even Austin had trouble — and Austin is notoriously laid back, even when it comes to protests. That just shows how truly messed up this is. How truly messed up we are.

Last week, in my letter to my new grand daughter, I asked her forgiveness about how bad things seem. “We’re usually a bit better than this,” I said.

How naive. It seems that every time we hit a new low, something like this comes along to demonstrate how low the bottom really is.

But, still … I struggle to find the words that express how I feel right now.

I know it’s not all police, just like it’s not all protesters. Thankfully, some in law enforcement have found words and actions that express their feelings.

The video of Houston Police Chief Art Acevedo marching with BLM protesters Sunday was inspiring. We saw and heard similar examples from officers and police chiefs all across the country … from Washington DC, to Atlanta to Dallas to Fort Worth to Louisville.

To Leander.

“The failed actions by officers who were sworn to protect and serve were a complete failure to our police profession,” Leander Police Chief Greg Minton said in a statement Monday. “The death of George Floyd will, and should, cause police organizations across the country to take a hard look at their officers and organizational cultures to prevent these kinds of tragedies from happening in the future.”

Those words reassure and I, for one, am grateful.

So, if you find you have trouble expressing your feelings about what’s happening right now, know that you are not alone. Even some of us who do this for a living have come up empty.

Since I’m at a loss, I’ll leave you with words uttered by others.

“Here’s an example of how white privilege sounds. You keep saying, ‘It’s horrible that an innocent black man was killed but destroying property has to stop.’ You’re prioritizing the wrong part. Instead, try saying, ‘It’s horrible that property is being destroyed but killing innocent black men has got to stop.’”
— Found on social media

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.” — JFK

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.” — B. Franklin

“Riot is the language of the unheard.” — MLK